Well ladies and gents, it’s June 26. We’ve entered the final countdown until D-Day, aka my due date! As I write this, I’m a glass case of emotions (weeeeird). I’m terrified to birth a human, beyond ecstatic to meet our little baby boy, but mostly overjoyed to not be pregnant anymore. Yeah, yeah, pregnancy is beautiful, pregnancy is a miracle, but #realtalk, pregnancy has not agreed with me. I do not have that magical glow. I think I’ve experienced every symptom listed on thebump.com x10.
It not only obviously changes your physical appearance, but also changes your mood and your deposition. There are times where I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Like I may or may have whined, I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE
once twice a few times. I react to things in ways I never thought I would have reacted. It’s nearly impossible to control my sleeping (and eating and bladder) habits. There were times where I feel SO lazy and useless; not to mention the myriad of physical symptoms. For this unsuspecting mama, it’s been a ride that I could never have prepared for.
For those who are in trimester uno, or for my fellow
whales ladies in the final stretch, here’s a bit of comic relief for your aches, pains, swollen feet, heartburn, etc., etc., etc., Giiiiirrrls I’m with ya. Hang in there!
15 Things You’d Never Expect When You’re Expecting
15. “Oh, I’ve only gained that much?!” Said no pregnant woman ever… Ok, I realize we’re starting off on the wrong foot because this is something you’re expecting, but no. You can’t really imagine what 30 pounds actually is. Go to the gym, pick up a weight, duct tape it to your abdomen and then you might have an idea. And then you will just want to say No. No thanks.
14. Your social calendar will have a direct correlation with if you can wear yoga pants. Actually even if yoga pants are acceptable, the probability of attending is still slim. Very slim. Because you will turn into a lazy P.O.S. My own father actually said to me, “You sure are kinda lazy these days. All you do is watch TV.” Dad. Stop. Now.
13. You’ll want to know where the nearest bathroom is at all times. Kinda like those spies who know where all the exits are in a building. Except you’ll want to know because of morning/afternoon/evening/night sickness. I unfortunately am one of the chosen few who was sick the first 25 weeks and had to carry a barf bag with me everywhere I went. And lets just say they got their fair share of use…
12. Your relationship with your husband/signif other will be questioned every second of every day. One night as we were getting ready to go to one of Mr. A’s work functions, he actually said to me, “Whoa that shirt really makes you look pregnant…” I nearly arranged for a public flogging. You’ll think to yourself all the time: “Did he really just say that?”, “Are you really drinking my favorite beer right in front of me right now?”, “WTF ARE YOU THINKING WANTING TO PUT THAT ON THE REGISTRY?” Guys, all we’re really wanting from you right now is a snack.
11. Speaking of registries. You may be thinking: YAY! shopping spprreeeeee. This surprisingly does not bring the same joy. The amount of items your little nuggets “needs” to survive is outrageous. Soon-to-be new mommy, meet the bobby and the diaper genie, and literally a million different kinds of bottles! Ummm what? Who is in charge of making these decisions?!
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